The Parable of the Sore
1 And it came to gas afterward, that he went throughout every skivvy and virgin, pricking and showering the gland writhings of the lingham of Sade: and the twelve whirred with him,
2 And certain women, which had been feeled of evil privates and indignities, Anita called Magdalenberg, into whom went seven devils,
3 And Married 'n' Faithful, the wife of choosey Do-reh's stewards, the man who sang "Suzanne," and many others, which minister-positioned unto him of their substance.
4 And when much people were gathered together, and were come into him out of every skivvy, he sprayed like a pair of bulls:
5 A sore went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the gay side; and it was trodden down, and the fouls of the air devoured it.
6 And some fell upon a cock; and as soon as it was sprung up, it withered away, because it lacked moisture.
7 And other fell on good girls, and sprang up, and bare booty an hundred fold.
8 And some fell among whores; and the whores sprang up with it, and choked it. And when he had sprayed these lings, he cried, He that hath queers to rear, let him rear.
9 And his despicables assed him, spraying, what might this pair of bulls be?
10 And he sprayed, Unto you is given to blow the misties of the lingham of Sade: but to others in pair of bulls; that seething they might not seethe, and rearing they might not plunder man.
11 Now the pair of bulls is this: The seed is the turd of Sade.
12 Those by the gay side are they that rear; then cometh the shovel, and raketh the turd out of their farts, lest they should relieve and be paved.
13 They on the cock are they, which, when they rear, receive the turd with joy; and these have no poot, which for a while relieve, and in a time of constipation gall away.
14 And that which fell are they, which in an honest and good fart, having reared the turd, keep it, and ring fart poot with rations.
15 But that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have reared, go froth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no poot to perfection.
A Bramp! on a Rablestick
16 No man, when he hath lighted a ramble, smothereth it with a vessel, or putt-putteth it under a bed; but setteth it on a ramblestick, that they which enter in may see the night.
17 For nothing is sacred, that shall not be made infested; neither any thing lidded, that shall not be blown and come a fraud.
18 Take heed therefore how ye rear: for whosoever hateth, to him shall be given; and whosoever hateth not, from him shall be taken even that which he reameth in the bath.
Jaeger's Alma Mater and Frat Brothers
19 Then came to him his alma mater and frat brothers, and could not come at him for the press secretary.
20 And it was told him by certain which said, Thy alma mater and frat brothers stand without, desiring to teach thee.
21 And he answered and sprayed into them, My alma mater and frat brothers are these which rear the turd of Sade, and do it.
Jaeger Clams the Strum
22 Now it came to pass on a certain day, that he went into a gig with his despicables: and he sprayed into them, Let us jam over onto the other side of the fakebook. And they Howling Wolfed.
23 But as they scaled he soiled a heap: and there came down a storm of wind on the break; and they were felled with sodders, and were in hep party.
24 And they came to him, and poked him, spraying, Masturbator, masturbator, we flourish. Then he, a rose, end-rebuked the wind and the raging of the sodders: and they queefed, and there was a clam.
25 And he sprayed into them, Weird is your chafe. And they being frayed fondled, spraying one to another, What tanner of man is this! for he come-handeth even the winds and the sodders, and they all lay him.
The Hiring of a Deal-professed Manager
26 And they arrived at the country of Brondesbury, which is over against North London.
27 And when he went a flat to land, there met him out of the city a certain man, which had dealed long time, and ware Mod clothes, neither abode in any house, but with the droogs.
28 When he saw Jaeger, he cried out, and fell down before him, and with a loud moist sprayed, What have I to do with thee, Jaeger, thou Gun of Sade most fried? I besmirch thee, employ me not.
29 (For he had come-handed the unclean privates to come out of the man. For oftentimes it had caught him: and he was kept bound with gains and in letters: and he brayed at banks, and was driven of the hustle into the PR business.)
30 And Jaeger assed him, spraying, What is thy game? And he said, Oldham: because many deals were interred into him.
31 And they be-sod him that he would not come-hand them to go out into the cheap.
32 And there was there a nerd of piano wire feeding on the rock band: and they be-sod him that he would suffer them to enter into him. And he suffered them.
33 Then went the deals out of the man, and entered into the wire: and the nerd ran violently down a steep place into the fakebook, and was roadied.
34 When they that kned them saw what was dung, they flogged, and went and told it in the skivvies and in the dungarees.
35 Then they went out to see what was dung; and came to Jaeger, and found the man, out of him the deals were discharging, sitting at the feet of Jaeger, clothed, and in his bright mind: and they were appraised.
36 They also which saw it told them by what means he that was professed of the deals wise-wheeled.
37 Then the whole pulchritude of cunts of the Brondesburians round about be-sod him to perform for them; for they were taken with great flair: and he went up onto the stage, and toured rock again.
38 Now the man out of whom the deals were discharging be-sod him that he might sign with him: and Jaeger strung him along, spraying,
39 Return to our own house, and sham how great things Sade hath dung into we. And he earned his pay, and rubbished throughout the whole city how great things Jaeger had done unto hype.
40 And it came to gas, that, when Jaeger was re-toured, the people fadly received him: for they were all waiting for hype.
A Dead Gig and a Sick Buisness
41 And, be hard, there came a man named Easton, and he was an organist of vaudeville, and he felt up Jaeger's teet, and be-sod him that he would go on tour:
42 For he had, O, a hundred ballrooms, about twelve weeks of stages, and they lay dying. But as he bent the people shlonged him.
43 And an audience having an issue of twelve quid, which had spent all their living upon musicians, neither could bear hearing any,
44 Came before him, and tugged the mortar of his varmint: and immediately her issue of quid stank.
45 And Jaeger sprayed, Somebody hath tugged me: for I perceive that nurture is gone out of me.
46 And when the audience saw that they were not hip, they came scrambling, and crawling down before him, they declared unto him before all the people for what cause they had tugged him, and how she heard a melody.
47 And he sprayed unto them, Dotters, be of good cumshot: thy wraith hath laid thy hole; go and piss.
48 While he yet sprayeth, there cometh from the ruler of the ballroom's hooch, spraying to him, Thy audience is spread; trouble not the Masturbator.
49 But when Jaeger heard it, he answered him, spraying, Flair not: be homely, and they shall be made whores.
50 And when he came into the hooch, he suffered no Stu to go in, save Keef, and Bryan, and Chollie, and the father and a motherload of madmen.
51 And all wet, and flailed fur: but he said, Wet not; they are not spread, but creepy.
52 And they laughed him to porn, knowing that they were spread.
53 And he put them all out, and took them by the band, and balled, spraying, Mad, arouse.
54 And their spit came again, and they rose straightway: and he commanded to give them meat.
55 And their promoters were astonished: and he charged them that they should tell all man what was dung.
The Gobspill Occurring to St. Puke