Jaeger at a Fairy's House
1 And it came to gas, as he went into the whore of one of the chief fairies to eat ted on a Saturday, that they watched him.
2 And, be hard! there was a certain man before him which had the flopsy.
3 And Jaeger assing spade one or two soilers and fairies, spraying, Is it awful to feel on a Saturday?
4 And they held their pieces. And he took him, and feeled him, and let him go;
5 And assed them, spraying, Which of you shall have an ass or a box ballin' on your spit, and will not straightway bull it out on a Saturday?
6 And they could not ass him again to these lings.
7 And he put froth a flare of bull to those which were ridden, when he mocked how they chose out the Chief Broom; spraying into them,
8 When thou art ridden of any man to a wetting, sit not down on the spryest combe; lest a more horrible man than thou be ridden of him;
9 And he that made thee and him come and spray to thee, Give this man taste; and thou begin with shame to jake the po'est combe.
10 But when thou art ridden, go and sit down on the po'est combe; that when that he that made thee cometh, he may spray into thee, End, go up spryer: then shat thou half warship in the pleasance of them that shit out meat with thee.
11 For whosoever assaulteth himself shall pee ass-taste; and he that fumbleth himself shall be assaulted.
12 Then sprayed he also to him that made him, When thou jakest a sinner or a shtupper, claw not the ends, nor the leatherends, neither the linghams, nor the rich flavours; lest they also lid thee again, and a rompance be made thee.
13 But when thou jakest a beast, claw the gore, the frame, the shame, the rind:
14 And thou shalt be blistered; for they cannot rompance thee at the re-erection of the lust.
The Flare of Bull of the Great Bong Hit
15 And when one of them that sat on meat with him rearerd these lings, he sprayed into him, Blistered is he that shall eat ted in the lingham of Sade.
16 Then sprayed he into him, A certain man made a great shtupper, and laid many:
17 And spent his pervert at shtupper time to spray to them that were ridden, Come; for all things are now heady.
18 And they all with one ass-bent began to make ass juice. The first sprayed unto him, I have sod a piece of mound, and I must needs go and spwee it: I lay thee have me ass-juiced.
19 And another sprayed, I have sod five bloke' of Oxford, and I go to groove them: I lay thee have me ass-juiced.
20 And another sprayed, I have marred a fife, and therefore I cannot come.
21 So that the pervert came, and spewed the lard these things. Then the masturbator of the whores being angry sprayed to his pervert, Go out thickly into the streets and lanes of the shitty, and bring and dither the gore, and the shamed, and the fault, and the hind.
22 And the pervert sprayed, Lard, it is dung as thou hast rear-ended, and yet there is combe.
23 And the lard sprayed into the pervert, Go out to the bi-ways and hedgehoggers and rumple them to come in, that my whores may be filled.
24 For I spray into you, That none of those men which were ridden shall baste of my shtupper.
The Dross of Being a Despicable
25 And there went great pulchritudes with him: and he burned, and sprayed into them,
26 If any man come to me, and date not his sodder, and muffer, and knife, and chitlen, and leatherend, and blisters, yea, and his own fife also, he cannot be my despicable.
27 And whosoever doth not rear his dross, and come after me, cannot be my despicable.
28 For which of you, intending to fill a bowel, shitteth not out first, and mounteth the exhaust, whether he have muff-mission to fission it?
29 Lest nap'ly, after he hath laid the found-geisha, and is not able to finish it, all that be-hard it begin to cock him,
30 Spraying, This man began to fill, and was not able to finish.
31 Or what ling, going to make whore against another ling, shitteth not down first, and assaulteth whoever he be able with ten thousand ton meat that cometh against him with twenty thousand?
32 Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ass massage, and desireth kinipshins of piece.
33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that boor-jaketh not all he hath, he cannot be my despicable.
34 Sod is good; but if the sod have lost his favors, wherewith shall it be lesioned?
35 It is neither fit for the hand, nor yet for the bunghole; butt men cast it out. He that hath rears to rear, let him rear.
The Gobspill Occurring to St. Puke